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T-8 days til Valentine's Day. I have no idea what to get Matt. Also, T-10 days til  his birthday.

Perhaps I'll make him a papercutting, but those take forever. I'm knitting him a hat already. It's coming along slowly. Work gets in the way of making things. We could take a trip somewhere, but I don't really know where to go and we'd have to figure out where to get there and when to go. Kinda hard to plan trips from different sides of the country and we're not sure when he'll be moving here. He would like me to go and visit him as his present, but that's not doable right now. My job doesn't have the flexibility that I'd hoped for, that I'd been led to believe I'd have. I want to go visit. I love Seattle and would like to visit there again before he moves.

I used to love this poem

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
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Key line: strive to be happy.

Good advice from my beer today

"Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on."

Matt and I got into a fight last night about how he makes decisions without me. We talked it through. He said he'd try to do better. That was the end of it. Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

He'll be here on Tuesday. We'll spend 2 days together, then we'll go our separate ways for Christmas.

Wish me luck...

because I'm pretty sure I'm going to need it.

My NYS teacher certification exams are tomorrow, bright and early. It's 8 hours of testing. I'm pretty wiped out from the week and feel like I don't quite know what's going on. So wish me luck. I think I'll pass it, but if I don't, I don't know what I'll do.

By the way, the salted caramel hot chocolate at Starbucks is delicious. (Oh God, I've become a Starbucks person after swearing that I'd never actually like them and I'd patronize them reluctantly.)

Thanksgiving 2010

This year's Thanksgiving was spent in Seattle with Matt. I think it's the first one in a while that I've actually spent with someone. I flew out there the Friday before, immediately after work and returned to NYC on the red eye last night. I wish I had stayed. I do not feel confident at all that I made the right choice in moving here and lately it's been eating at me more and more.

The visit was relaxing. The food was delicious. It was nice being taken care of. It did snow though-- 4 inches, I think. We took a walk in it the first night. It was freezing, calm, and peaceful.

The visitCollapse )
So now I'm back in NYC, with its crowded streets, litter, and noise. I miss Seattle. It's hard to say if I love it more for seeming like the opposite of New York or if it's because Matt is there. Either way, I don't particularly want to be back yet and I don't want to go back to work tomorrow.

Working with preschoolers can be murder

Over 1 year since the last time I wrote in here. Apparently I tried to write 6 months ago, but failed. i'm going to try to keep a journal again after seeing a friend write in her LJ. A lot has happened that I don't care to remember. A lot has began that I'm still waiting to end. I made massive changes to my life, most for good I think. We'll see what happens. Right now, I should be doing progress notes. They're due tomorrow and I still have 10 more to write. So back to work. Perhaps I'll update through the day.


One story I should record in here, but a little background first. I'm currently placed at a Head Start, so that means I work with 2-4 year olds. They're generally good kids, but sometimes they surprise me.

On Friday 11/5, a group of 3-4 year olds play-murdered me.

I had my back turned and was working with another child. There was a group of 5 playing nearby in the kitchen. All of the sudden I hear them all yell, "I'm Michael Myers!" and I feel myself being poked in the back and sides. They were all wearing helmets and hats and had taken plastic knives and stabbed me in the sides and back with them. It took me several hours to remember who Michael Myers was. It makes me shake my head at parenting skills today.

Book excerpt


Recording it here because it's beautifully written and I want to remember it.
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You want to be helped. You want to experience your life. You want to feel yourself again; the owner not just of muscles, connective tissues, nerve endings and senses, but of a soul, and a familiar personality. You want to feel inhabited. In lieu of this you'll take any transaction: pain, discomfort, cold, upset - anything. You've been trying to jumpstart your atoms; shock them into life again. It's what they do in hospitals after all - the gelid paddles on the chest, and then lightning shot into the unresponsive core. You've pinched your skin red. You've skipped meals, whole days without food, until you are starving. Only then would you eat; blue cheese, raw fish: anything with a strong taste. You've begun to eat meat again after a decade of being vegetarian. You eat it rare, savouring the wet iron on your tongue. Venison. Liver. In the grocery store your eye lingers over the stocky red slabs, bound with rind, vacuum-packed in white trays. When you arrive home, there they are at the bottom of your shopping bag, weeping pinkly against the plastic pane.
 
- How to Paint a Dead Man, Sarah Hall

 
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school starts monday-- it feels way too soon. a 3 week break is not enough.

so i got back from taiwan last monday. the trip back was nowhere as eventful as the trip there. the trip there involved spending the night in detroit because of a fuel leak-- less a leak and more of a waterfall-- that involved them having to get us off the plane and call the fire department. oh, and my luggage got routed to chicago, where someone realized that it wasn't supposed to be there and managed to get it to taipei close enough to the same time i arrived. so in taiwan, i shopped, ate, and saw lots of doctors. i was diagnosed with GERD (yay, my self-diagnosis was correct), got an upper GI endoscopy and biopsy, found out i have infected ulcers, and got put on antibiotics. i also got lots of anti-anxiety meds. yay. so the trip was fun. it was good. i spent some time with my aunts. there was this dog that i really wanted at the flower market. she was so cute! and she kept climbing on me and licking me. i was sad i couldn't take her home with me. i also got a new computer. it's an Asus, but it's like a Macbook Air.

so that was the trip in a nutshell. got back monday, started working again wednesday,  T-dawg finished our abstract on Friday to be submitted for the conference, and now it's back to the regular school thing.
the cops just drove off with the man who threatened to kill Knockout last summer. with his cane which allegedly contains a sword/knife thing. i hope he goes to jail.

May. 12th, 2009

I hate how hard it is to find an apartment in a "good" area when you have a pit mix, even when the dog is super friendly and non-aggressive. Co-op living may be the only option. Or staying in our current apt, which would be fine if it wasn't on the expensive side and if the damn landlords would at least fix something on the list that we gave them when we moved in-- something, anything. I'd settle for them coming in to screw the cabinet doors on properly.